Online dating is in a different realm from typical face to face pick up.
It’s almost like comparing MMA to kickboxing, the end game is the same, but the methodology is very different.
So when it comes to thinking about how to speak to a girl on tinder, you really need to keep those differences in mind.
You don’t have the advantage of using your facial expressions, your voice tonality and you’re body language to help make the right impact.
You have to spike an emotion in them through the words that you write. How you structure your message is going to affect the tone of the message, so this needs to be considered as well.
So let’s focus on exactly how to speak to a girl on Tinder, by looking at the five things you should not say under any circumstances!
Don’t Say What Everyone Else Will Say
Avoid the standard: “You’re so beautiful, so gorgeous, so sexy.” Unless you want your message completely ignored. There will be tons of other messages in her inbox just like yours and you’ll just be lost in the crowd.
This isn’t to say you can’t compliment her, feel free. Just pair it with something that will make you stand out like: “Hey! Obviously, you’ve got the looks in the bag, but I want to get to know you.”
Then throw in a question. Keep it quirky. Maybe along the lines of: “So here’s a really, really important question. Popcorn – sweet or salted?” We like this one because whatever she says you can have the perfect response. If it’s the same as your preference go for: “Good girl! See, we’re a match already!” if it’s different try: “Thank god, means I can get you your own and you won’t be stealing mine!”
Don’t Go in With Cheesy Chat Up Lines
“Have you got a bump on your head? Because it must have hurt when you fell down from heaven.”
No, no, no and no! You want to spike an emotion, not incite a rolling of the eyes!
If you want to spike a positive emotion by making her laugh, take the time to look at her profile and see what she’s into.
If she likes dogs, beach holidays and getting her nails done then you could try something like: “Hey, I was checking out your profile and noticed we like the same things. I love dogs, I love beach holidays and I love getting my nails done. I don’t half get some strange looks at the nail bar though.”
Straight away she can see that you’re fun and don’t take yourself too seriously. Plus a statement like that will definitely make you stand out from the crowd.
Don’t Just Say ‘Hey!’
Okay, so actually you can just say ‘Hey!’ but only with a specific game plan in mind. Otherwise, you’re likely to end up with no reply at all, or with a conversation that looks like this…
‘Er.. hey to you too.’
‘How’s it going?’
‘Good thanks. You.’
‘Yeah good, just chilling.’
C’mon seriously? It’s going nowhere fast and quite honestly can only be described as failing epically.
As stated, it can work as part of a specific plan. Just like spiking a positive emotion, a negative one can work just as well because that can also be transformed into attraction. We know all girls love a bad boy right? So one example could look a little like this.
‘Yeah, thanks for just judging me then.’
‘What? I haven’t said anything to judge you?’
‘No you just looked at my profile and judged me from it and ignored me.’
‘For your information I haven’t actually, I’ve just been at work all day and not had a chance to check my messages.’
‘I’m sorry, I’ve been a complete dick to everyone lately. I’ve had the worst week, my dog died, then someone crashed into my car. I shouldn’t be taking it out on you. Can we start again? Hi, my name is…’
So what you can see from this example is that we’ve succeeded in well and truly getting her back up, before changing it around and getting the sympathy vote. It’s a sneaky tactic, but it works!
Don’t Say Lame Things on Your Profile
“Don’t really know what to say here, I like going out with my friends, I like Netflix and chill.”
Snooze alert! In the words of Chandler Bing… ‘Could you be any more boring?’
Let your profile tell a story about who you are and show your personality.
More like: “I’m a bit of a rebel, I like to cause trouble, not the serious kind, I just like seeing people’s reactions when you metaphorically throw a little grenade out there and see what commotion it can cause. I also love the beach at night, a date with me might include writing our names in the sand.”
And don’t be braggy either. If you want to slip in the fact that you’ve done well for yourself and own a Ferrari try something like: “I love driving down the road at 100 mph when the roads are empty, I’m lucky to have been able to get my first sports car thanks to the help of so many people who have supported me through my ambitions.”
Giving credit where it’s due will go a long way with girls.
Don’t say things that make you come across too seriously
Both in messages, and in your profile focus on being fun and light-hearted.
One good thing you can try is using any insecurities (we all have them, anyone that says otherwise is a big fat fibber) as weapons. Use self-deprecation in a fun way. Got big ears? Use them!
An example could be: “I love holidays to exotic destinations. Best thing? With the size of my ears, I don’t need an aeroplane, I can just use them as wings.”
Every message is a way for a girl to get an understanding of what it’s like to be around you, so show your fun side.
If she asks: “How’s your day going?”
Reply: “Craziest day at work today, walking through Trafalgar square and I got attacked by a pigeon.”
Girls love a bit of light humour after a long day at work. So give them just that! It doesn’t even need to be true.
We hope our advice on how to speak to a girl on tinder has been useful. Let us know how you get on in the comments below.